Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

As you know, I spend my life in one form of bewilderment or the other, my degree of puzzlement varying from mild confusion to being totally dumbfounded at my inability to "get it."

I saw one of those ubiquitous TV commercials for on-line dating services in which deliriously happy couples (comprised--as God commanded--of one man and one woman), relate how some highly-profitable "dating" organization helped them find true love through "29 levels of compatibility." (What in hell is a "level of compatibility?" No matter; it sounds impressive!)

I find it interesting that this wondrous system is available only to heterosexuals. No faggots, lesbos, or other openly acknowledged perverts need apply. This is a wholesome, exclusively nuclear-family-oriented organization, and they will not have it sullied by....those people.

Though I would not qualify to join their ranks even if I were desperate enough to want to do so, I am intrigued by exactly what deep, probing questions might be used in the application to determine the "29 levels of compatibility." (#3: "Do you like puppies? Yes___ No___"; #16: "Have you been convicted of a capital offense in the past five years? Yes___ No___"; #22: "Are you currently under a restraining order resulting from a charge of domestic violence? Yes___ No___")

There are, of course, now dating services specifically for gays and lesbians (an ad for one was refused by the Super Bowl. An ad aimed at faggots? At an All American REAL MAN's game like the Super Bowl? Were they crazy?), but such services are rather like a side-car on a motorcycle; a case of "if ya' can't join 'em, get your own ball and play in your own yard."

The competition between the "straighter than thou" services is fierce, and I love that they have now begun sniping at one another. (One says: "If they're so good about finding me a wife"--the speaker was a red-blooded heterosexual male, of course--"why do I have to join for a year?" Good point. Take that, E-Harmony!)

But sexual orientation aside, the very proliferation of companies set up to take your money with promises of sparing your actually going out and finding someone yourself is an indication of the sad state of our society and our increasing willingness to turn over responsibility for our lives to someone else.

I know, there are a million reasons, some of them valid--the lack of time to actually get out there and look for someone, for example--to resort to dating services to do something which should be done by the individual him/herself. It is largely an exercise in fantasy--and fantasy, when faced with reality, usually comes out second best. I find the fact that many people who use dating services and internet "hook up" sites often lie through their teeth and/or use old or misleading photographs of themselves apparently to gain some obscure advantage truly sad. If the faked come-ons do get a response that leads to a face-to-face meeting, what do the person who posted it honestly think the outcome will be? How does the person responding to the ad feel? A true lose-lose situation.

The desire and need to love and be loved is universal. Luckily, a large number of people are able to fulfill that need in the natural course of their lives. But for all those still looking and hoping to find the someone, the road is paved with frustration and, too often, heartache. Our media bears much of the responsibility for intensifying this need, and does us a terrible disservice in regards to love and romance. Books, movies, and TV shows make it painfully clear that if you are not madly in reciprocal love with some stunningly beautiful 20-something (or worse, if you are not one yourself), you really aren't worth the weight of the dust bunnies under your bed.

Love is not found on the internet. It isn't like a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk you can just walk into the store and pick up. It isn't between the pages of a book or in a magazine, or on the other side of your TV screen. If love has not yet found you, the best thing you can do is put yourself out there in person, just as you are. The best matchmaker for you is you.

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at, or drop me a note at

1 comment:

jewelknits said...

I previously used a (to remain unnamed) Internet dating service. Mainly because I was a single, attractive female with children who worked long hours and truly DIDN'T have the time to get out and meet someone. I was curious, and I also kind of hoped I'd meet someone presentable to take to business functions to eliminate the daggers that the wives threw at me because I worked with their equally fat and unattractive husbands.
1st date - lunch date - guy was just creepo .. very into talking about himself and how wonderful he was.
2nd, 3rd, 4th date - this guy was attractive and well-spoken ... hmmmm...somebody I actually could take to a business function without embarassment. Not a love match, but a decent guy. But then he slobbered all over me in his attempt at a romantic kiss, and that was done.
5th and 6th date - this guy spent a LOT of time going off into the corner to answer his pager and cell phone - MARRIED - I could tell

Next guy was a 'good' guy - handsome, articulate, well-built, economically stable and fun to be around. He made me laugh, so I kept him. We were together for 5 years, we have a beautiful son together - BUT I found out that he was involved with someone when I met him, he 'hooked up' with a couple of other women he met online while we were together, and he kept online profiles on other sites .. I never suspected ...

But I probably should have.

So, no more online dating sites for me. If my friends can't hook a sistah up, then this sistah will be content on her own. :)