Worth

I spend a great deal of time--probably too much--trying to understand my compulsion to constantly dissect myself in these blogs--to tell you more than you can possibly want to know. I seem driven to examine in minute (and possibly, to others, embarrassing) detail things that are no one else's business, and of very little if any interest to anyone but myself. I justify it with the rationale that I cannot be the only one so utterly fascinated with all the things which make up an individual human being, and while I am only one individual among billions, perhaps those things I find within myself can also be found in others...specifically, since you are the one reading this, in you.

This utter self-absorption comes, of course, at a considerable price. It too often gets in the way of simply living life. Looking too much inward prevents one from looking outward, and it is only by looking outward that the vast landscape of the real world can be seen. Constantly trying to resolve the mystery of oneself is inevitably isolating.

We humans seem to need to find some comfort in the assurance that we are not as alone as we sometimes think we are. I am, and have all my life been, on an eternal and generally elusive quest for validation; for a sense that I really do matter, to myself if not to others. And if others...if you...can see parts of yourself in me, then perhaps these egocentric ramblings may not be a total waste of time.

I stand in awe of those who simply accept themselves as they are without question. I do wish I were one of them.

Our mastery of science and technology has changed and continues to change our very concept of "worth" and our collective progress as a society has been at the expense of our sense of worth as individuals. Today "worth" is far more often equated with finances than with the qualities which make us human. We have increasingly lost our sense control over our own individual destiny. We have created a society to serve us, and it has turned from servant to master.

Technology and "the bottom line" steadily push aside human values, and our individual sense of worth is devalued even further. It is the corporation, the bureaucracy, the tax return, the media which set the standards of worth. It is the blond, buxom bimbo with one hand on thrust-forward hip staring at us from the glossy pages of fan magazines and slinking across our TV screen who has real value--and by clear implication, tells us what our own individual value is. The average-looking mom with four kids holding down two jobs while trying to make ends meet? Who the hell cares about her? She's nothing. The people who volunteer at soup kitchens or take elderly neighbors shopping, or never forget to send a birthday or anniversary card, or who always smile and are polite? What a bunch of losers! How much money do they have?

Ironically, we are in large part complicit in our own perceived lack of self-worth. We let an increasingly dysfunctional society over which we have less and less control dictate to us about what is important, and what we must be and do (or not be and do) in order to have worth. And since each of us, as an individual, is outnumbered seven billion to one, the natural assumption is that society must be right and we are wrong--and if we are wrong, we therefore have little worth to society or to ourselves.

The important thing we must learn--and it is not an easy lesson--is that rather than trying to do a "Where's Waldo" search of the vast panorama society has painted for us, we must look into our own mirror to recognize ourselves for who we truly are. Each of us is, it is true, part of society, but no one individual is society any more than an individual cherry is a pie. Our worth comes from within, it is not something which can be imposed upon us from the outside.

And in the meantime, I will continue to put out these inner workings of one man's mind in my eternal quest to convince you that you are not alone, and that at least one person other than yourself realizes that your worth cannot be weighed on anyone else's scale but your own.

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at http://www.doriengrey.com, or drop me a note at doriengrey@att.net.