A Simple Man

Let's face it....I'm a simple man (some would argue in all senses of the word). I have simple wants and simple needs and all I ever want is whatever it is I want right when I want it. Don't bother me with having to think before I act, or having to figure out how things work. Getting from point A to point B should not involve circuitous trips through every other letter in the alphabet to get there.

If I go somewhere I expect to have my wallet with me. I'm far too busy to have to think about getting it out of the pants I wore yesterday and putting it in the pants I'm wearing today. They should know enough to be there automatically.

When I leave my apartment, I expect to have my keys either in my pocket or in my hand. I don't see why I should have to go back inside and spend twenty minutes looking for them.

When I buy a new piece of electronic equipment, I expect to plug it in and start using it. That's what I paid for, that's what I want to do. But, noooooo.....they insist I read the manual. I do not like reading manuals. I am totally lost before I finish the "Getting Started" page. Yes, I want to get started, but I don't want to have to read about it....I want to do it! And what's the point in reading 47 pages of gibberish I do not understand? They might as well write instruction manuals in Sanskrit for all the good they do me.

I want to be 25 again, and will be damned if I'll accept the fact that that will never happen. I want to be 25 again, so don't just sit there, make it happen! (And here we touch upon another aspect of my problem: I do not see why I should have to do something when others know how to do and can do for me far better and more quickly than I can. I appreciate their help, but since they already know, why should I have to bother knowing it, too?)

I am perfectly happy to share my expertise in....well, whatever it is I may have expertise in....with anyone who would like it, so why shouldn't everyone else do the same? (And here I must admit that I rely on my friends far, far more often than they rely on me.)

When I have a question about something from an organization or company, I expect to pick up the phone, punch their number into the cell phone I've never really bothered to understand, and immediately talk with an actual human who can help me. I do not want to have to “press one for English” and then sit on hold for six hours listening to endlessly repeated and patently cynical assurances that my call is very important to them and that I will be connected with the next available representative. If I'm paying for service from a company or organization, I damned well feel I have the right to immediately speak to someone about it. Is that too much to ask? Apparently it is.

I try very hard never to lie to people....though at times a small evasive untruth is less complicated and frequently less hurtful than going into a detailed explanation of the truth, and I don't want to be lied to. For all my flaws and weaknesses, I am not stupid, and deeply resent being treated as such, especially by people I don't know and who see me as only a walking dollar sign.

I have never understood why the concept of simplicity seems so very, very complicated. What can be simpler or easier than the Golden Rule, for example? Yet have you noticed not only how few people seem to practice it, but how universally it is ignored by anyone with real or assumed power?

Logic is simple, and the lack thereof has kept me away from exactly the things which draw others: organized religion, for example. I am a liberal and a Democrat (they are not always or necessarily the same) largely because I find their basic premises logical. It's all so very simple. Why are there not more people like me....and, I would certainly hope, you?

Dorien's blogs are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please take a moment to visit his website (http://www.doriengrey.com) and, if you enjoy these blogs, you might want to check out Short Circuits: a Life in Blogs (http://bit.ly/m8CSO1).