I
got my hair cut (long overdue) the other day, and decided that one
reason why I wait so long between cuts is to avoid the ordeal of
having to stare at the attic portrait of Dorian Gray in the mirror.
My Dorien, bless his ever-protective heart, assured me, as he always
does, that it is not a mirror, but a window into the next room, where
my barber’s identical twin was working, with synchronized
movements, on a much, much older and terribly unattractive customer.
Each
of us has our own way of coping with the world, and Dorien is, to a
large extent, mine. I’m truly grateful to him for helping me bail
out the leaky little boat of my life.
Those
whose boats ride high in the water, not constantly preoccupied with
the endless swells of annoyance and frustration that eternally
threaten to swamp those with gunwales almost at the water line, may
have little need for a Dorien to help with the bailing.
I
deeply admire those who simply live their lives and go about their
business without the continual distraction of wondering why something
is the way it is, or who can simply ignore the ignorance and
stupidity of the world. Each of us possesses a degree of egocentrism
to be used when occasionally wondering about our role in life, and
help serve as ballast in stormy emotional seas. But some were given
an excessive amount, so large as to be disruptive to normal
functioning in the world. I am one of those. And for those like me, I
strongly recommend a Dorien.
Everything,
of course, is in the mind, and to create a Dorien requires a bit of
practice. It’s very much like one of those optical illusions one
sees from time to time, like the classic black-and-white silhouette
in which one sees either a vase (the white) or two faces facing each
other (the black). One element is “Dorien”, the other is
“you”…and it really doesn’t matter which is which.
Dorien
not only helps me cope with things, but is rather fun to have around.
You can give to your Dorien whatever parts of “you” you wish.
Roger, again, is the corporeal part of the team, Dorien is that part
of me not restrained by physics or time. Roger pays the bills and
moves about and goes grocery shopping and mans the oars of our little
boat. Dorien is therefore totally free to do whatever strikes his
fancy. He sits in the back of the boat and writes blogs and books.
This
division of responsibilities has proven very effective…for me.
While I was dealing with my bout with cancer, it was Roger who
underwent the radiation and the chemo while Dorien told him stories
and kept assuring him that everything was going to be all right. And
it was. I’m sure the outcome would have been the same had Dorien
not been there, but I am glad he was. And then, as now, Dorien’s
greatest contribution to my life is in never allowing me to take
myself too seriously.
The
need for a Dorien is not so great for those who have another,
separate human with whom they can share their life, but for those of
us who do not, a Dorien can help to create a sense of balance. In my
own case, whenever I do or say something totally stupid, something I
immediately regret and curse myself for—which happens far too
frequently—it’s Roger’s fault, and Dorien can look at it with a
degree of objectivity Roger cannot. In such cases, when Roger is
consumed with fury or frustration, Dorien is the voice of reason. And
difficult as it may be for someone without a Dorien, it really works.
If
you don’t have a Dorien but need one, just open your mind. He’s
there.
Dorien's
blogs are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and
Friday. Please take a moment to visit his website
(http://www.doriengrey.com)
and, if you enjoy these blogs, you might want to check out Short
Circuits: a Life in Blogs (http://bit.ly/m8CSO1).
5 comments:
Sounds like Dorien works very much like Kage does for me. I don't know where we'd be without them. Raising my cup of tea in their honor.
Thing is, Kage, I can't tell the difference between you and Kris...unless Kris is the one who takes you dad for walks while Kage just goes along for the fun. And I suspect Kris may be the one most emotionally burdened.
I enjoyed that and can relate. I have always felt divided. It's hard to find balance and I agree-having a "Dorien" helps. Thank you for sharing.
I enjoyed that and can relate. I have always felt divided. It's hard to find balance and I agree-having a "Dorien" helps. Thank you for sharing.
Kris isn't the social one. Kage is. Kris prefers to stay at home, not go out, and just be alone with his Blu-Rays, CDs and writing. Kage is the one who posts on social media, contributes to some of the blog posts and insists on attending conventions and doing book signings. Kris cooks. Kage makes the staff do it. Kris takes his dad for walks while Kage takes a nap during this time.
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