Friday, October 22, 2010

Uh, Excuse Me?

I can't stop! I simply can't stop! Every time I post one of these collections of choice bits of effluvia culled from my spam folder, I swear it will be the last. Really, I do. And then, one by one, they pile up again until...well, anyway, here we go again. As always, they are presented exactly as they appear in my spam folder (and probably yours). Sigh.

"Big and tall clothing for all sizes." (Uh, run that one by me again?)

Mrs. Stella Van Hoog... "!!!YOU HAVE WON €750,000 Euros:::" (No! Really? You are too, too kind! I really can't accept such generosity! You are far more deserving than I. Why don't you take those €750,000 Euros, roll them up into a tight little tube and...?)

Dawne Fairy "Explosive, intenseOrgasns 1ncrease Volume ofEjacu1ate, Doctor designed and endorsed..." (Ah, Ms Fairy! I've always enjoyed your tales, and this is one of the best. I'm delighted to hear that Doctor has set aside his research on a cancer cure to concentrate on explosive Orgasns. I see a Nobel Prize in his future!)

ComTechService "You are my good, my handsome-write me, I'm waiting!" (And you are my huge pain in the ass. Keep waiting.)

Federal Bureau of Invest. "PAYMENT OF $5.8 MILLION AS COMPENSATION - Unpaid Beneficiary, it is obvious that you have not received your fund which...." (Oh, dear Lord, dear Lord, dear Lord!!!!!!)

myhobor6089 "Your performance promotes orgasm faster - Jessica Simpson was in awe when she saw what my manhood can do...." (Oh, you silly, silly ass!)

"The Safest & Most Effective Methods of PenisEn1argement. Save your time and money!" (Which is exactly what I will be doing when I hit the "Delete" key.)

"No.1 Ma1eEnhancement Supplement. Trusted by Millions." (Uh-huh. Name two.)

"I can't send you a message!" (Setting aside the fact that you just did, you don't know how happy I am to hear it.)

"Nning far beyond his years. The other, the f -son; a father for his children. Unknown graves and burned homes...." (Oooooooh...that's deep! Say no more! I'll take 40 of whatever it is you're selling!)

"Good day, I am Mr. Wang HongZhang, Chief Disciplinary Officer, People's Bank of China...." (The Bank of China has a disciplinary officer? Ooooooooh, kinky! Beat me, Mr. HongZhang! I've been a baad boy!)

"art he is about to remain - Nearly schools was the etc was...." (Now who...who, I ask you...could possibly resist wanting to read more?)

Martin Crouch - "i saw your profile and i started developing interst in you..i want to send you my pic can I?" (Ah, dear Martin. How refreshing to receive one of these sex shills from a guy--though I'll wager a small fortune you didn't intend for your name to appear and are pimping beaver shots for some bimbo. So, to answer your question: no, you can't.)

John west - "CONTACT ME - Am Mr. John west,I your contact from the international business directory out of deperate......" (Well, John, one point for using the same the lower-case "w".... There's an "international business directory"? Wow. And I'm in it? Sure, I am. And I feel I'm safe in assuming you sent the same piece of crap to everyone else in it? Go away, John.)

applebyS - "Best timepieces 57% off - This is luxury timepieces at an affordable price view all now..."
cursorfd1 - "Best timepieces 87% off - This is luxury timepieces at an affordable price view all now..." (See blog title. applebyS, meet cursorfd1. Talk among yourselves.)

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at, or drop me a note at

No comments: