Forever Spam

Reading the opening words of spam messages is like seeing someone falling from a skyscraper. I don't want to look, but I can't help not only looking but giving a knee-jerk response. Here is the fifth-or-sixth-or-tenth quick review of some choice slices of spam from my In box.

"Work 60 Minutes@Home for $250+Day." (What? You expect me to work a whole hour for a measly $250? Hell, I can flip burgers at McDonalds for that!)

"McCane or Obama? Who'se longer?" (The man's name is McCain, you insufferable imbecile!!! I am herewith revoking your license to breed!)

"Welcome to our Fun secret Society!" (How can it be a secret if you're spamming about it?)

"Workers needed to make $250 per day from home." (Needed? Yeah, like if this were legit you couldn't just put an ad in your local paper?)

"Add inches in your erection--AND ONLY PAY SHIPPING" (The caps are theirs, and as soon as I finish laughing, I'll think of something to say.)

"I'm Batman. I demand Reply." (Me Tarzan. You no get one.)

"Grow YourPenis 3-inches longer & thicker, girl will love you..." (Well, first I suggest you take a biology course. What you're born with is what you got. And secondly, I don't want girl to love me. Boy a different story.)

"I saw you :)" (And I didn't see you. Let's keep it that way, shall we? :) )

"Your files are corrupted!" (Well, I don't know about my files, but my spam folder certainly is.)

"Is this so important?" (Finally! A spammer with a grasp of reality!)

"Forget about fear to be "limp" in front of woman - get the support of your dream." (I no fear. I too busy learn how to speak English.)

"John sends greetings." (I'd much prefer John send money.)

"Makes sense?" (If it did, it wouldn't be in my spam folder.)

2 identical messages, 2 senders: "Feel more excited with women!" (Sorry, whoever you are, but it would take a hell of a lot more than whatever it is you're peddling to do that.)

"Where will we meet? --Bone her all morning, bone her...." (How about just inside the gates of Hell, you silver-tongued rascal, you? I may be late, so please go in without me.)

"Stimulate your body to amaze girls!" (Girls. Girls girls girls. What the hell is wrong with you people? Get a life!)

helen LAST_NAME "visit my profile i just saw yours cutie--im bored i am on my webcam..." (Well, miss LAST_NAME--Swedish, isn't it?--I am truly flattered that you took the time to search the internet to check out my "profile," and I'm terribly sorry a sweet young thing like you is bored, but if I had a choice between visiting your webcam and having my fingernails ripped off, I'd opt for the latter.)

"I'm ill. Let's delay." (No, no....let's cancel altogether.)

And ah, if I could only cancel spam!

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at http://www.doriengrey.com, or drop me a note at doriengrey@att.net.