Thursday, September 11, 2014

The King of Romania

Dear reader. I have for you a non-refusable offer to which I require your most urgent response.

I am proud to announce the formation of a new business with an astonishing potential for unlimited profit. Effluvia Unlimited is dedicated to enlightening the world through the medium of internet spam, and I am seeking investors and franchisees in the project. Because you are a loyal reader of these blogs, I have selected you...yes, YOU alone...out of 3.75 billion other internet get in on this exclusive, ground-floor offer. For a minimal investment which I will disclose to you upon verification of your interest, Effluvia Unlimited will then franchise its services to individual entrepreneurs seeking to earn big money working from home, and will be supplied, for a set, irrevocable monthly fee, at least 36 vitally important messages each day, and a list of 3.75 billion people to whom to send them. Each franchisee will receive .02 percent of every cent he or she generates for Effluvia Unlimited—and remember, we are speaking here of 3.75 billion eager customers!

Here is a sample of just one of the postings which will be immediately available to franchisees for distribution to their client list:

Dearly Beloved

I am Excretia Moldava III, finance minister to His Highness Brzynaba VI, King of Romania. While visiting his hunting lodge in the Reelybig Mountains, his highness was delivered by one of his manservants a chest discovered in a window seat. Upon opening it, his highness discovered the crown jewels of Tsar Nicholas II of Russia, a distant cousin to whom Tsar Nicholas had sent the jewels for safekeeping.

In the box was a note directing King Brzynaba III, the present king's great grandfather, to deliver the jewels to his illegitimate daughter, Anesthesia Sonnovavich, then residing in Romania. Sadly, King Brzynaba III and his entire family died following a nasty incident involving a runaway steam turbine before Tsar Nicholas's wishes could be fulfilled.

The present king immediately directed me to find the heirs of Anesthesia Sonnovavich and after an exhaustive and expensive search, I have found you.

To reclaim the jewels of Tsar Nicholas, we need only to verify your identity. Please immediately furnish me with the following information: your full name, address, phone number, date of birth, full social security number, all bank account and credit card numbers, a thumb print, a retina scan, and a copy of your passport. Please also send a cashier's check in the amount of $500 to cover search expenses.

Upon receipt of this information and your check, your fortune will be sent you post haste.

Most Sincerely

Excretia Moldava III

And this is but one of an unlimited number of irresistible incentive mailings which can be flooding computer inboxes around the world when you become part of Effluvia Unlimited. So DO NOT HESITATE: ACT NOW!

Note: The sincerity of this exclusive blog offer is verified by being having been awarded the prestigious and coveted Dorien Grey Seal of Utmost Integrity.

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at, or drop me a note at

1 comment:

Kage Alan said...

Next up on News at Six, Internet Spam Turns Deadly! A notorious internet spammer was found today in his Missouri basement after he dialed 911. Authorities are waiting for doctors at County General to remove a laptop that was somehow wedged up into the man's abdominal cavity. Once the laptop is removed, they will boot it up, identify the owner, and bring him or her in for questioning. The only clue so far that the victim could provide is "I heard someone shout 'take this, your highness' and then I felt excruciating pain'."

We will continue to give you additional details while we follow this story.