Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Things I Have Learned From Social Media

I undoubtedly spend far too much of my time on the internet, yet I can say that it has exponentially expanded my knowledge of the world and opened my eyes to concepts I could never have conceived.

Almost every physical and scientific fact known to man—and many previously unknown—can be found somewhere on the internet. But it is the social media...the Facebooks, Twitters, MySpaces, Google Pluses and endless others—which expand one's inner, personal world. The facts social media present are euphorically mind-expanding.

Here are just a few of the things I've learned from my time on the social media sites:

The degree of pure altruism—the deep, sincere desire to help one's fellow man—to be found on line and dismissively referred to as “spam” only by those with their own nefarious agendas, demonstrate the finest and most noble qualities of mankind.

For example, while nowhere is it stated in so many words, I have learned that Nigeria is the wealthiest, most generous nation on earth, with more banks, barristers, and wealthy widows (all of whom seem, unfortunately, to be dying of “cancer disease” and who contact perfect strangers with tears in their eyes and sorrow in their hearts to help them distribute their wealth).

There are unimaginably vast numbers of lotteries—distributing, cumulatively, billions of dollars, pounds, francs, rupees, etc. for absolutely no discernible reason other than altruism—of which I am awed to have been declared winner.

I had not been aware of the number of wives, children, third-cousins-twice-removed and other relatives deposed dictators have, all of whom have access to huge fortunes and need only my help to smuggle it out of wherever it happens to be at the moment. The same goes for an astonishing number of former prime ministers, cabinet officers, and bureaucratic flunkies of said dictators.

U.S. military personnel, especially those “currently serving in Iraq,” constantly come across huge sums of money with which they need my help to get out of the country. That this, and the proposals in the paragraph above, is undoubtedly blatantly illegal is of little matter. Their premise is that greed trumps logic and morality every time. If you can get in on the action, go for it.

But spam aside, Facebook in particular seems to be at the forefront in alerting us to vast conspiracies afoot on every level to deprive us of the truth, destroy our liberties, enslave us, and generally condemn us to a life of pure hell. Until I joined Facebook, I was unaware that technology has absolutely proven that cars can run on air; that the entire planet's energy needs can be provided by a glass of water; that a cure has been discovered for every disease known to man, and that the only reason we do not have access to these wonders is that they are being deliberately suppressed by the bankers, politicians, auto, energy, and pharmaceutical giants who control the world's economy. No authority figure can be trusted any further than one can toss a Sherman tank. The only truth out there is to be found in posts positing a conspiracy theory. Granted, mainstream news media works hand in hand with Facebook posts to expose such shocking truths as our president's being a Kenya-born anti-christ usurper of the title he holds. No claim, theory, rumor, or innuendo, no matter how far-fetched or wildly, egregiously wrong it may be, or where it is presented, goes without ready access to an all-too-eager-to-believe-it audience.

We have become Frankenstein's monster.

Dorien's blogs are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please take a moment to visit his website ( and, if you enjoy these blogs, you might want to check out Short Circuits: a Life in Blogs (


Kage Alan said...

You had me with the title! And then you went right to SPAM, didn't you? lol You can't help yourself, can you?

Dorien/Roger said...

Yeah, but it's about more than spam, too. Really. It's just impossible to mention internet annoyances without mentioning spam. Sorry.

Nikolaos said...

Hilarious. Apparently, not a few Americans actually go to Nigeria to find out what happened to their money! They tend to vanish. The Nigeria scam has been running for decades. I remember getting badly typed and poorly written letters 40 years ago inviting me to share my bank account details with a larcenous stranger in that benighted country.