Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Jobs from Hell, Part II

We pick up our fascinating tale of my personal Jobs from Hell where we left off in the last blog, describing my fun-filled days working for an L.A. public relations firm shilling a land development project laughingly called Golden Hills in beautiful Tehachapi, California, and our project of the moment--to produce a glossy brochure calculated to draw flies into the spider's web.

For reasons I could never understand, I got the assignment to accompany the boss, his statuesque girlfriend Inga, a truly hot male model, and his female counterpart to Golden Hills. The models had been selected, I’m sure, because they fit the beautiful image of the beautiful development, and apparently for their ability to sit on an unmoving horse without falling off.

Though the models had never met before, they took an immediate shine to one another, as heterosexuals are wont to do. The boss was too preoccupied with impressing Inga to notice what was going on between the models though I, as fifth wheel, was very aware of everything.

The boss, ever aware of propriety, had his own room at the motel; Inga and the female model were to share a room, as were I and the male model—a prospect I looked forward to even knowing that the guy was irredeemably straight.

All went relatively well until after dinner, during which Inga and the boss played little courtship games, the male and female models sat gazing rapturously at one another, and I tried to convince myself I was in some sort of existentialist movie. After dinner, as we headed for our rooms, the male model approached me and announced that he and his newfound girlfriend would like to spend the night together, and that Inga agreed that I could sleep in her room.

Have you any idea of the degree of enthusiasm with which I greeted this whole prospect? But he pleaded and I, unused to resisting the pleas of hot male models, gave in.

So, to Inga’s room and to bed.

Six a.m. A knock on the door: “Time to get up, sweetheart,” my boss called. Inga got out of her bed and hurried to the door. The minute she opened it, the boss strode in. Hearing him at the door, I had pulled the covers over my head and prayed for death.

A moment later, I felt a hand on my shoulder: “Time to get up, honey,” he said.

I will leave to your imagination the look on his face when I sat up. Betrayal! Debauchery! Boinking the boss’s girlfriend right under his nose! Shock!

He stormed wordlessly out of the room, followed by Inga, leaving me to get up and get dressed. I’m not sure how I got through breakfast, but let’s just say the atmosphere was a tad strained.

Finally, about noon, I’d had it, and told the boss I wanted to talk to him. Now, whether he knew I was gay or not I don’t know, but this was at a time when you could be fired in the blink of an eye if it was even thought you were. So I couldn’t very well just say “Hey, don’t worry about Inga: I’m gay.” Instead, I told him that I had come up there to work, I explained the circumstances (as I’m sure Inga must have, as well), and that children’s games were for children. He merely looked at me.

Immediately upon return to Los Angeles, I began looking for another job.

Oh, and for those of you who have read my Dick Hardesty mystery, The Butcher’s Son, should you see any similarity whatever between my boss and Dick’s boss, Carlton Carson, I can assure you it is purely coincidental. Purely. Yes.

Dorien's blogs are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please take a moment to check out his website ( and, if you enjoy these blogs, you might want to check out Short Circuits: a Life in Blogs ( ).


Thommie said...

Oh Dorien, what wouldn't I give for a picture of your boss's face when he saw you... Priceless! Well at least you gave him hell, tortouring his mind, unintentionally even, as a payback for being so cruel to his employees. As they say "it's a wheel and it turns" ;)

Kage Alan said...

I'm surprised you didn't say "Hand me my robe, sweetie. I need to put my face on."

Dorien/Roger said...

Obviously, Kage, you never saw my boss. He had a face like a Swift Premium ham and I'd have gagged on the word "Sweetie."

Nikolaos said...

One of the best pleasures available to writers is to portray ppl who've done them the dirty in their novels. I had a boss who cheated me out of a couple of hundred thousand dollars and who will serve perfectly as the odious and lightly demented boss in my new novel.

Dorien/Roger said...

Sorry you had to go through such a costly experience, Nikolaos, but you're right about the catharsis of revenge even in a book. (Sounds very interesting, btw, and I wish you luck with it.)