When I Rule the World

My mind being what it is, I was sitting here minding my own business when I heard, somewhere in the space between my ears, Tony Bennett singing If I Ruled the World ("If I ruled the world, every day would be the first day of spring; every heart would have a new song to sing....")

I often think of how much better off the world would be if, in fact, God were to decide to take an extended vacation and turn the world over to me--or at least make me Emperor.

Here are a few of the changes I'd immediately initiate:

1) Every child will be wanted, loved unconditionally, nurtured, and allowed the freedom to be a child. If a parent deliberately denies their child any of these necessities, the child will be removed and given to someone who would provide them.

2) The objective education of its citizens will be a top priority for every government on earth. Any human being capable of learning how to read will be taught how to read. Courses in civility, basic manners, and respect for the rights of others will be mandatory for every elementary, high school, and college student.

3) What is good for humanity will take precedence over what is good for commerce and bureaucracy. Each human being will be treated as an individual worthy of attention and care. Those who subsequently try to take advantage of this fact for their own gain will be denied all rights afforded in this provision.

4) Individuals who deliberately lie or knowingly mislead others for their own gain will be disenfranchised and fined an amount equal to 100 times what they have gained by their actions. Those who use the internet for fraud will be forbidden to get with 100 feet of a computer for a period of five years. A second offense will involve banishment for life to a desert island without electricity.

5) Those who deny the rights of others will have their own rights denied.

6) The biblical concept of "an eye for an eye" will be reinstated. Anyone who deliberately causes physical harm to another will have the same injury inflicted on themselves, and to the same degree.

7) The death penalty will be abolished. Life in prison without parole will provide ample time to reflect on the stupidity of the act that put them there.

8) Handguns will be abolished and strict sentences imposed upon those who deliberately use any weapon against a fellow human being.

9) All prisons will institute mandatory education programs for those who cannot function on a less-than-twelfth-grade level.

10) Mental care facilities will be provided to those unable to function in everyday society.

11) Food and shelter will be provided to those who, through no fault of their own, are unable to provide it for themselves.

12) Two-year military service will be mandatory for everyone at some point between their 18th and 20th birthdays, no exceptions, no exclusions.

13) The lobbying of politicians will be forbidden, with strict penalties for both lobbyists and politicians, who will receive no benefits not afforded every other citizen.

14) Religious proselytizing will be banned outside of churches, synagogs, and mosques.

15) ...well, you get the idea. I'd appreciate your mentioning these proposals to God the next time you speak with Him.

Dorien's blogs are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please take a moment to check out his website (http://www.doriengrey.com) and, if you enjoy these blogs, the recently-released Short Circuits: a Life in Blogs (http://bit.ly/m8CSO1 ).