On Writing Books

There are so many things I cannot do, so many things for which I rightly or wrongly berate myself, so many times I feel insecure or unworthy, or terrified of being "old." And yet when I'm writing a book, none of this matters in the slightest. If you have followed these ramblings for any length of time, you know of my continual, if one-sided, battles with things over which I have not one iota of control--primarily time and reality. I rail against them even while being fully aware that they are no more aware of me than a cow in a pasture on a hot, muggy, airless summer's day is aware of the "no-see-ums"--the tiny flying insects swarming around its head.

But when I write, I step out of and away from reality into a world almost impossible to describe to those who have never been there. I change from a "no-see-um" to an untethered, bright blue balloon soaring upward to the beautiful whipped-cream-mountain clouds sailing with silent, majestic grace from horizon to horizon.

I'm currently working on the fourteenth (fourteenth?) book in my Dick Hardesty Mystery series, and I'm back in an intricate, complex world I myself have created, among characters to whom I've given birth and nurtured and developed, watched to grow, and fallen in love with. They live in a city which does not exist on any map, but which is as familiar and comfortable to me as an old sweater. They have become as real to me as it is possible to become without being able to reach out and touch them. And they are completely unaware of my existence.

As they have grown and developed, they've needed less and less direct control from me, to the point where I largely point them in a general direction and let them choose the route to get there. They constantly surprise me: I have the intention of their turning right at a certain point, and they choose to go left. New characters step into the story and their lives without my having to consciously put them there. (An elderly deaf couple has just entered the story as I write, and I suspect will have a considerable influence over Dick and Jonathan's young charge, Joshua.) I have no idea when I begin the book what new characters may show up, or which characters from previous books may drop by.

I am not alone among writers in viewing my work the way I do. A writer must love and believe in his characters and stories if he (and, of course, she) expects the reader to.

I've said that I write to please not only myself but the reader, though the latter comes up against the old caveat that you can't please all the people all the time. Of all the characters in the Dick Hardesty series, Dick's partner, Jonathan, seems the most popular...though this is not universally true. Since Dick is an alternate universe me--the me I wish I were or could be--and since I so miss not having someone to share my own life, Jonathan appeared (literally) to share Dick's. When he first appeared, their relationship was quite lopsided in that it was Dick who was the strong one, always protecting Jonathan. But over the course of the books...and partly in response to reader reaction...Jonathan has come into his own as a stronger, more independent individual.

The appearance of Joshua, Jonathan's orphaned nephew, was, I think, another extension of personal wish-fulfillment. Joshua, incidentally, is probably the most polarizing of the series' characters. Some readers adore him, some find him a distraction, and at least one loyal reader has found Joshua so annoying he has ceased to read the series. (Fortunately, he continues to read my other series, the Elliott Smith mysteries.)

I find the very fact that I...insecure, sometimes childishly-needy me...am able to elicit strong responses from readers is a source of little-boy delight. And it is, in fact, the occasional notes I get from readers who are kind enough to take the time to write me to say that they enjoy my writing and actually feel as though my characters were real people they would like to spend time with, which provide my primary source of validation. For me, food nourishes the body, but validation nourishes the soul.

Every human needs to feel that he or she is appreciated by and important to others. I am blessed in that writing books not only enables me to create and spend time in worlds I wish existed, but in that I am sometimes capable of sharing those worlds with others.

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at http://www.doriengrey.com, or drop me a note at doriengrey@gmail.com.