Spam and Oil

The oil gushing from the seemingly endless BP Gulf oil spill is, in some ways, not unlike the uncontrolled gushing of spam into the sea of cyberspace. One is toxic to the environment and the planet, and the other is toxic to the mind and soul. And both are definitely, definitely crude. So here is another futile attempt to skim off just the tiniest fraction from the surface, presented, as always, exactly as it oozed onto my computer screen.

"Work 2 hours a day from Home! 950/week." (I note you don't specify 950 what. Even if you mean dollars, do you think I'd work 2 hours a day, 7 days a week for a mere $67.86 an hour? No wonder you have to resort to spam to find someone willing to accept slave labor wages!)

"Be included in this year's edition of the prestigious Cambridge Registry...." (Oh, lord, I love it. I can just imagine how "prestigious" some fly-by-night publication is if they have to troll the internet for people to put in the thing.)

"RE: 1,000 dollar Sam's Gift Card Survey - You've Received* $1000 Sam's Gift Certificate..." (Well, I applaud them for putting that asterisk in there, so you can't say you weren't warned.)

Edward "Re: Re: hi bud" (I'm not your "bud", Edward. Go away.)

"I want sale you rolex,,or other grat watch. do you want?" (Well, it's hard to resist such a smooth, high class sales pitch, and I'm sure all your watches are grat....but I'll pass.)

"Friend are you? - Dear friend: 5 Please forgive us to disturb your precious time. all products of our; Computers...." (No, Yoda, Friend I am not. Now go away.)

"congratulations YOU have a $131,O0O commission check waiting!! - Yes that\s RIGHT...YOU have a $131,O0O co....." (And exactly how much is $131,O0O in American money?)

Earn_Money Without_Constant Effort! - Seeking financial freedom? The secret is out...Click Here...."
(Sure! Why bother actually working for a living when you can follow the advice of some spammer? I do hope you won't mind if I don't "Click Here.")

"I NEED TRUST. - I NEED TRUST. The Chief Auditor/Information manager, In-Charge of Foreign Unit African....." (Oh dear, sweet Lord!! I honestly don't know what to say in response to this one! I only wish I had a gun and this idiot's address.)

Mrs Grace Harlow: "PLEASE I NEED YOUR URGENT ATTENTION - Dear Friend. Greetings in the name of God / Allah, Please let this not s...." (Oh, Grace, it won't. And you have my full attention! And my trust. Now, where's that "Delete" key?)

henry "Re: Re: yo mate - hi frank...I quit my job. Now I'm making $8000-$15000 by 'working' 4-5 hours a...." (Yo, henry! You're so full of shit your eyes are brown.)

"Work from home positions paying up to $75 an hour..." (All right, class: who can pick out the key words in that grabber? Anyone?)

"Read My Story - Earn Money Without Constant Effort..." (Hey, man, I don't need to read any further; I'm in! I mean, why bother to work for my money when some bozo I've never heard of can tell me how do it out of the goodness of his heart?)

"Equipment for you.' He proceeded very gallantly to do this. I cou -Pment in a shell-hole behind. It was somewhere..." (Now please tell me: do the trained seals who write this gibberish actually believe it will entice someone to open the rest of the message? I shudder to think the answer is obviously 'yes.' Terrifying!!)

Well, more than enough for now. Every time I do one of these spam-based entries, I pray it will be the last. It never is.

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at http://www.doriengrey.com, or drop me a note at doriengrey@att.net.