Son of Spam

I'm beginning to think of myself as a seagull in the great garbage dump which is internet spam, eagerly looking for tasty tidbits down upon which I may swoop and carry off to feed my blogs.

The following post somehow escaped my usually efficient spam filter and wound up in my "In" box. But it is such an classic example of the art of spamming, aimed at those incapable of or unwilling, in their gullibility or greed, to employ even the most basic logic that I felt obliged to reprint it verbatim here.

"Typers Wanted, Make $12,000 - $30,000/Month. 2 people needed immediately..I guarantee YOU will earn $12,000 every month!!

"YES that's RIGHT.....I guarantee YOU will $12,000 every month if YOU signup 2 personal members. Just think all YOU have too do is simply signup and recruit 2 Distributors. Then train and help these 2 Distributors too purchase $69 of products for personal use each month as YOU and your 2 Distributors continue too signup and recruit 2 Distributors each and so on and so on YOUR commission checks will grow and grow and YOU will earn $12,000 every month GUARANTEED!!"

I give whoever posted this one credit: they didn't exactly lie. They laid it all out, obviously assuming that you are too stupid or too greedy to do the math, or to have ever heard the term "pyramid scheme."

Other classic tidbits from my Spam folder--and my knee-jerk reaction to them--include the following:

"Pay few buck and feel happy. --Get to know how to become more masculine..." (Right! Like I'm eager to learn anything at all from someone who doesn't know how to speak English. ....Do women get crap like this?)

"Received empty mail." (Spooky, huh? It sure as hell wasn't from me. "Yesterday, upon the stair,...etc.")

"You have to read it." (Uh, no, I don't. And no, I won't.)

"I saw you today." (Really? I didn't see you. Let's keep it that way.)

"Click or get ill." (Right...threats always encourage me to open spam.)

"Christian Group: Internet Extreme Wealth Machine!" (Or "how to bilk the unsuspecting by setting up your own on-line ministry.")

"Where are your friends?" (More importantly, as a spammer, where are yours?)

"Good advice--You girl will be amazed. Ten years of history among men...." (Well, first off, don't call me "girl", but if you're going to, put commas around it.)

"earn money typeing from home--Start Making $250-$2500+ per Day! Work At Home only 30 minutes per day...." (Obviously a spin-off of our lead item. Well, anybody who can't recognize the misspelling of "typing" obviously can't be expected to grasp the concepts of logic or math.)

"Code Invalid, New Code" (or "Scam Invalid, New Scam")

"You are the winner of 750,000 euros ****Congratulations****" (Oh thank you! Thank you! I am stunned! Hold on a moment while I alert the media!)

"Can't update page." (How truly sad. I hope you're not thinking I'll wonder what you're talking about, or that I might care even if I did.)

"You are under investigation!" (I am? Oh, dear Lord, what have I done now? I am beside myself with worry, concern, angst, and ennui.)

Ronda: "Hi--crag rase. bipod any annul. bedlam pencil rife rase?" (Guards! Shoot that woman!)

*****
I do wish this would be the last spam-based blog I will ever do. But I doubt it.

New entries are posted by 10 a.m. Central time every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Please come back...and bring a friend. Your comments are always welcome. And you're invited to stop by my website at http://www.doriengrey.com, or drop me a note at doriengrey@att.net.